24 Aug 5 REMARKABLE ways to tap into your sexuality while single.
Let me tell you a quick story
Are single women allowed to give advice on sex and sexuality?
I was meeting my girlfriend in one of those popular fast food cum restaurant. Unknown to us, it was one of those days that the restaurant had lots of customers due to the promo they were having.
My girlfriend was running late and I ordered a drink and snacks while I nibbled in peace while awaiting her arrival. Then I met John. John had picked up my complementary card from the floor when I paid for my food at the counter.
”Single Sex Educator” he admitted to have googled and checked out my social platforms and wanted to ask the question I never got tired of hearing.
What am I saying about one’s sexuality?
If someone had told me three years ago that it was possible to be single and still have an exciting sex life without a partner I would have called them bluff. Just like most persons would when they read this.
What affects our sex life? The topic of sexuality is broad. Our sexuality is as diverse as they are complicated. They keep fluctuating and evolving through our lives and experiences. When neglected, your sexuality can impact all areas of your life both positively and negatively especially when neglected.
Exploring one’s sexuality means continually seeking out new ways to explore your unique sexual preference and desires by gaining a deep insight of your sexual orientation. It equally means knowing the things you do not want in your sexual relationship. This can make for a more pleasurable sex experience partnered or solo.
The way people express themselves through their sexuality is the key to having a healthy sex life. Most times we generalize our expectations and experience to be dependent on our partner, without giving ourselves the freedom to explore our bodies the way we should.
Sexuality is an aspect of who you are that has always been within you and is always available to be tapped into. It doesn’t require you having a sexual partner nor does it need to always have anything to do with “sex” or feeling ”sexy”
Your sexuality is always here for you even when your partner isn’t. This is because a self-connection to your sexuality forms the basis of your connection to a partner in a relationship.
Back to my story…
“How can you talk about sex quite graphically and detailed if you are single?”
So, when the guy at the restaurant asked me this popular million dollar question, I was happy to oblige.
How do I discover my sexuality without a partner?
1. By tapping into your sensual nature
I have met so many women who put their dreams and imagination on the line because they do not know how to tap into their sensuality because they are waiting for a partner.
Your single stage is a great time to find out what turns you on, what are your sexual fantasies, what’s your sexual orientation and preference. Explore your time alone and do new things for yourself. Learn belly dancing, invest in tantric massage, be naughty, flirt, be creative, tap into your feminine nature. Wear clothes that make you feel sexy and rock it proudly with confidence.
Your body is an investment. Take care of your mental health, eat healthy, exercise, nourish your mind, body and spirit. It begins in your self and the amount of connection you feel within your self.
2. Invest in self- love and self- pleasure
Your single stage is the time to love and accept yourself, your insecurities, your baggage and everything that makes you who you are. Loving yourself can make four sexual experience ten times better with a partner in the long run. This is because you have learnt to finally accept all those parts of you.
Next comes sexual pleasure. Play around with yourself to see what you respond to. Vary the intensity of the touch. Try playing around with vibrators, dildos, feathers on different parts of your body to understand what heightens your pleasure.
You can keep a journal to help you keep a track of your sexual desires along the line. Taking the time to explore your sexuality on your own will give you knowledge about what you like or do not like. Which makes it easier to communicate that to your partner and show the same love to yourself.
3. Learn from the sexual experience of others
Ready to know things that rock your boat? Try learning from the sexual experience of others. Sign up for sex themed podcasts. It can be about the role of sex in relationships, about exploring your sexuality, finding ways to explore pleasure and so on. I suggest the love and sex podcast by Sisi.
You can take sex classes and workshops from sex coaches and therapists to find better ways to improve your sexual experience.
4. Read to know more about your sexuality
The knowledge packed in books can help you reinvent the wheel in understanding what you want. There are books that have been written to give you an in depth understanding of new sexual techniques sex positions and sexual fantasies for a fulfilling sex life. I suggest For yourself by Lonnie Barbach a book that teaches women to discover a new world of fulfillment for themselves through simple and effective exercises. Better sex for you by Helen Pensanti, Every woman by Derek Llewellyn Jones.
5. Explore porn
What are the things that turn you on? Explore Images, literature, videos and Erotic books that turn you on comfortably. But, do not get too comfortable in a particular sex routine.
Try new things, read new erotica, watch new videos and if you feel daring enough; you can make your own video from the comfort of your room. All you need is your phone, a tripod to keep your phone standing in place and you are good to begin. Film yourself while masturbating to watch your own limited edition of your porn video.
The good news was that before I was done with my lecture with this stranger, my girlfriend was already in the restaurant. And I comfortably binged on having someone else comfortably own her single sexuality proudly. This is one of those experiences I wouldn’t be forgetting in a hurry.