6 proven ways to cope with differences in libido and sex drive

Getting on the same page with your partner on any issue can seem pretty difficult. So it’s unrealistic to expect you and your partner to be on the same page about sex. Mismatched libidos can be confusing when you are in a relationship. Libido is driven by testosterone. This is the biologically male sex hormone that is also found in women and drives the desire for sex in women.

When one person feels more interested in sex than the others, it’s easy for the person with the higher sex drive to feel rejected, bruised and undesirable. This can be worse when you have both been in sync for a while and all of a sudden the sex drive is reduced. Our bodies go through different stages and certain things like illness, hormonal factors, birth control pills and even fatigue can lower sex drive in a person.

Some other psychological issues that can affect your sex drive are;

  1. Sexual secrets

Most couples do not know this yet but certain secrets can ruin your sex life. Read up to know why you more about sexual secrets. If you or your partner has any sexual trauma in the past, this can affect your sex drive and libido in the long run.

2. Your environment

Most women get turned off at the thought of sex when their children are around. Sometimes the environment can be a contributing factor to your low libido. If this affects your sex drive then it’s time to do something about it.

These two factors should be addressed when dealing with a mismatched libido.

Currently experiencing difference in sex drive? Here are 6 things you can do to manage it.

  1. Ask questions

So you just realized that your partner’s sex drive has automatically dwindled all of a sudden or they do not seem to be interested in sex like before; then strike a conversation.

Don’t nag your partner or make them feel they are at fault for not having the same sex drive as you do. So, ask questions from a place of interest about their mental, emotional and physical health. Create a place of communication where they can be expressive.


2. Take sex off the table

Start afresh without sex. Spend time together, read erotica, watch movies, talk, share fantasies and reminisce about the sex you used to have. Spice it up a notch in a different location. Do everything sexual rather than having sex. Keep sex at bay throughout your stay, devote time to intimacy and learning each other’s sexual turn ons and off. That way you can bring the spice back to your relationship.

3. Try aphrodisiacs

There have been so many stories told about aphrodisiacs and whether it can improve your sex drive and the answer is YES. Sometimes, women want more sex but find it difficult getting themselves in the mood. If you encounter this problem then aphrodisiacs can help improve your sex drive and put your body in the mood for sex in sync with your mind.

4. Try outer-course

Give penetrative sex a break and focus on outer-course. Engage in oral sex, dry humping, spend time giving each other a massage and focus on the touch and feel of your skin rubbing against theirs. (No happy ending) Get toys for clitoral stimulation, nipple play, perineum and prostrate massage. Focus on pleasure and maintaining the right mood.

5. Schedule your sex date

If your partner’s sex drive doesn’t match yours, schedule a date in your calendar for sex. This may seem weird but a date like this gives your partner time to get ready for sex both mentally and physically. A sex date in the calendar can bring back the spice and excitement especially when you treat that day like a real date.

6. Visit a sex therapist

If things don’t seem to be working after your efforts then you should see a sex therapist. A sex therapist may be able to pinpoint the issues surrounding the sexual disconnect and find the underlying root of the libido issues.

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