sex talk


Hi Mahogany,

I’m 29 and my ‘virgin’ fiancée’ is 25. We’ve been dating since 2012 and will be getting married in two months’ time.

I believe sex discussions and questions are necessary for us at this point, but my fiancée shuts me down each time I try to explain the importance. Her repetitious words were, “When we are married, things will take care of themselves”.

I don’t know what to do anymore and I’ve decided I’m not going to follow anyone to a counselor’s desk afterwards. We’ve not had any counseling session even as we prepare to wed. We don’t like the sort of overwhelmingly spiritualized counsellings we have here in Nigeria. I decided to just buy the some marriage and sexuality counseling books but she hasn’t even picked any to read!

I am fed up about her lackadaisical attitude. I would love a very wonderful sex life after we get married. What can I do to fix this before I end up a frustrated husband?

Kay, 29.


Hi Kay,

Communication is important in every aspect of a relationship and having a ‘sex talk’ before marriage is necessary.

Your fiancée may have a pre-existing idea about these things.

Her unwillingness towards talking about sex can also be a result of your approach towards the issue. Start by reassuring her lovingly that you are open minded to her thoughts. She may have sexual fetishes and desires but is too ashamed to convey these thoughts.

A lot of women are held back from expressing their true feelings because of societal and family expectations . Your attitude and reactions to sexual issues matters a lot. You need to earn her trust.

Approach her lovingly. This discussion can be introduced during a dinner date, watching your favorite movies or some romantic time together.  Promise to be non-judgmental and open to whatever she says.

I hope this helps and i’m wishing you both a wonderful married life filled with sweet memories.





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