28 Oct how to balance low libido in your sex life
Low libido or sex drive mismatch is probably as old as man, if anyone ever kept the records. John wants to have sex with his partner everyday while Blessing is only down thrice in a good week. John loves Mary but he misses the sex, he doesn’t want to cheat on her but how does he communicate this to her without looking like the bad guy.
If you love watching movies then you definitely must have come across this script before. While this sounds like the classic Nollywood tale, this is a reality in most marriages. According to sex therapists a man has a higher libido in two-third of the cases and in this part of the world, it is considered as the usual. A libido mismatch does not only hinder sexual relationships among couples, it can also restrict any form of physical contact shared in the relationship. For instance the person with the greater sexual desire initiating cuddling or hugs may be translated by the other partner as an invitation for sex which in most cases is always rebuffed and physical touch only dwindles more.
Difference in libido if left unaddressed can have an effect on the self-esteem of higher libido partner and overwhelm the partner with the lower libido in the relationship. They start to feel their partner does not appreciate anything they do other than sex.
Although complicated, finding a balance in difference between libido is possible and can be achieved by both partners.
Express how you feel
Vulnerability cuts beyond simply communicating. It is expressing how one really feels without fear of being judged. Here both partners should talk about what they feel and what their sexual needs are. Is the problem more sex or a need to be touched physically? Does one partner need proof of their partner’s affection or perhaps they need to try something new to help them reignite the spark. This is the first step to solving the main problem.
Introduce more intimacy in the bedroom
This is time to take the pressure off penetrative sex and focus on foreplay. Engage in sensual activities that do not require penetrative sex. There are different erotic menus to choose from, it’s a bucket list out there, stop limiting your idea or knowledge to penetration alone. Kiss more, play games, eye gazes, subtle touch and so on. Do all of these and truly enjoy the moment without being in a rush to know what the end is. Creating a bond with your partner through these little acts of affection can improve your intimate bond and connection to each other.
Do not underestimate the power of touch
The skin sometimes craves for physical touch without penetrative sex being involved. Find creative ways to introduce touch into your relationship. Cuddle without the intent of penetrative sex as the aim, squeeze in hugs whenever you can, help your partner relax with a massage and so on. Touch is a powerful tool, do not take it for granted in reviving your relationship.
Schedule sex dates
Most persons see scheduling sex dates as taking the fun out of the sex. They come to look at sex as a duty no longer a desire but not entirely. For partners with low libido they may not find it easy getting into the mood as easily as they would like. Sometimes scheduling sex dates does not guarantee the other partner being aroused but since sex begins in the mind, the thought of it can aid the preparation. Scheduling sex dates can help you set the right mood, light a candle, select the right playlist, adorn your body with some sensual lingerie and so on. All of these will set the right mood for sex before it occurs.
A glass of red wine before sex is enough to kick in the hormones and get you revved up for sex. For some women, it may take more than a glass of red wine or chocolates, which is why we recommend aphrodisiacs. An aphrodisiac stimulates the sexual organs and puts the user in the mood for sex. Taking an aphrodisiac at least an hour before sex can work the wonder. Most aphrodisiacs would get the woman physically aroused, wet and more receptive to pleasure.
Don’t ignore masturbation
Masturbation is more than a solo activity anymore and can be beneficial for both couples. When one partner is not in the mood for sex, they can help or watch the other partner get off themselves without feeling tricked. Masturbation can be a shared experience and both partners can include one another through eye contact, touch, talk while maintaining a sexual connection and respecting boundaries.
There are different ways to help your partner masturbate. For instance, a woman can wear the hand job toy while giving her partner a hand job. Or the man can wear the finger vibrator to help his partner masturbate. Even if your partner is not ready to assist, enjoy the moment and release the sexual tension.
See a sex therapist
Well, if you have tried all the tricks you know in the book and it just isn’t working; talk to a professional. A sex therapist can offer helpful insights and suggestions that can work. They are often practical and couples can always find their way around without any form of conflict