do these 6 things to close the pleasure gap
As we come to the last week of the Sexual Health Month (September 2020) I hope you celebrated. We are reminded of the fact that the orgasm gap is getting wider every day and needs to be filled. Women are closing the gaps in the boardroom, more women are empowered to do more and the fight for equity is getting more pronounced. This is great, but the pleasure gap is widening everyday.
“So, what happened to the bedroom”
I mean if we can take charge in the boardroom, why not in the bedroom. For those of you who are unaware “The pleasure gap or orgasm gap ” refers to the consistent disparity with sex between how often straight men orgasm during sex compared to straight women.
In most heterosexual relationships, men have more orgasms than women. This gap is not the fault of any gender; rather it’s a result of the lack of knowledge of the female anatomy. Men and women are not taught enough about their own bodies. And our culture makes it worse that talking about pleasure is considered a taboo hence the distinct “Pleasure gap”.
According to Cosmopolitan, only 57% of women have orgasms most times with a partner- but 95% said their partner finishes most or every time. 80% of straight women admitted that sex ends when their partner orgasms – even if they didn’t. Hence the prevailing pleasure gap.
In this situation, it may seem like we have a long way to go in balancing the pleasure gap. However, the good news is that we can bridge the orgasm gap to make it balanced.
Here are six ways we can close the pleasure gap
Know your body
A woman walks into a store and requests for a dual stimulation clitoral suction toy with up to 10 speeds of vibration or more, with great suction strength, waterproof and USB rechargeable. What would cross your mind? This woman knows what she wants.
To ask for something, you have to know what you want. And you can only know what to ask for in the bedroom when you know what you like. And you can do this by masturbating. Masturbating will help you understand what touch your body likes and what touch stimulates it. Plus we can’t deny the fact that masturbating is great on its own. The Mahogany’s clitoral suction is a good toy to begin with if you want to stimulate your clitoris using different stimulation.
Try more foreplay
Foreplay can be the main event or the spice that keeps the main event on the right track. Men last around 5.5 minutes during penetrative sex and this time frame isn’t enough to get a woman to orgasm. This is because it takes women a longer period of time to orgasm. For men maintaining that stamina for that long is near impossible but you can supplement with foreplay to bridge the orgasm gap. Sex is restricted to penetration alone. So kiss, make out, give each other a hot steamy massage, play with a vibrator on her clit to keep her aroused even when after you orgasm. Penetrative sex is not the only way to have sex and to keep the orgasm gap at a minimal- include more foreplay.
Change your perception of sex
Growing up as women we have been made to believe that our pleasure doesn’t matter. This is why some women see sex as a duty to be fulfilled not an activity that ought to be enjoyed. To bridge the pleasure gap, we must re-frame our view of sex to know that sex doesn’t end with the male orgasm. Women should start knowing that sex is for them as much as it is for the men and their orgasm also matters as much. Sex is a joint effort where pleasure should be equal for both parties. You deserve orgasms as much as your partner.
Add toys to the bedroom
Toys add a variety of fun in the bedroom with a partner – other than solo play. They provide diverse options for stimulation to be experimented with to get everyone satisfied. Every couple should introduce a toy in the bedroom this is because other than the pleasure it provides, it can help close the pleasure gap. If you need extra stimulation on your clit to get you there, your partner can use a vibrator to take you to the desired point.
There are different toys you can use together during sex to bridge that orgasm gap. The naughty girl vibe is a clitoral toy that enhances pleasure for both parties at the same time. The finger vibrator should not be left out of the equation especially for couples who are still new to sex toys. When in doubt a bullet vibrator is always a good choice. Whatever toy appeals to you most, sex toys are fun, and they give stronger, more intense orgasms. Plus toys help bridge the orgasm gap.
Communicate during sex
Talk more during sexual activities and communicate with your partner about certain touch and how it makes them feel. Don’t just assume they are okay with what’s going on. It doesn’t matter the type of stimulation in play at that time, ask questions or ask for directions. You want to be sure you are not on the right track. Some partners may not find verbal communication during sex easy and that’s fine too. Focus on non-verbal cues- their breathing, the intensity of their moans, their groans and even the sheet pulling if that’s their thing.
Even though most persons find it difficult communicating verbally during sex. You want to create a safe environment with your partner where they can tell you anything even after sex.
Stop ignoring the clit
Sweetheart, stop ignoring your clit. That is your pleasure spot and the right stimulation can bring you to the brink of pleasure and beyond. In most cultures, clitoral stimulation is not viewed as an equal sex act compared to penetration. With this belief in mind, most men keep racing towards penetration without any thought for the clit.
The pleasure / orgasm gap is more than an equal distribution of orgasm. It is about changing our perception of sex and what pleasure means. To close this gap, we have to take our sex education serious and build up our sexual communication skills.
The orgasm gap matters and we should all work together to close it.