Dear Mahogany,
My ex-boyfriend has been on my matter of recent and I don’t know how to go about it. He ended things with me, when he was the one not making efforts in the relationship, Now, four months after, he is on my neck and causing me a hell of stress and saying he wants us to be friends.
I don’t want a relationship with him anymore, but I find myself missing the friendship we had. What do I do. Should I agree to be friends with him?
Ada, 21.

Dear Ada
Thank you for reaching out. This is a big question most couples ask themselves after breaking up with an ex. There are arguments for and against this topic when debated upon. I think it’s a terrible idea to stay friends with your ex, communication with your ex on a rare basis can be avoidable but being friends with your ex is not a path you want to tread especially when you don’t want to come back to the relationship.
The first thing to consider is remembering why you both left the relationship. Is that something you may want to consider and give another chance to make it work? If No, then striking a friendship may reawaken those memories and leave you sitting on a fence when it involves making decisions. Four months may not be long enough to get over someone you truly care about and chances are one of you feels more strongly about the other person and may affect your friendship, especially when you are not ready to take him back.
You may want to consider him but a break in a relationship doesn’t always do much good, taking time alone to figure out if you still want him is important. Your ex may not take no for an answer and your admittance to friendship may automatically leave you feeling guilty when you are together. Also it’s awkward switch from the lover to ‘just friends’ zone can leave you choked. However, some couples have given stories of how their relationships got better because they stayed friends after a breakup, but cases like that are rare to find and even if available they knew what they were rooting for.
I suggest you think things through and allow yourself enjoy your me time before agreeing to being friends because you miss his company. Getting over an ex is not easy but thoroughly examining what you want from the friendship and its benefits can give you a clearer picture. Four months may be too soon to be sure you are completely over the relationship.
Remember don’t get guilt tripped into making decisions that may leave you unhappy. You have to make a choice keeping what you want in mind, your happiness matters. Be happy and make the most out of life. Black girl, don’t forget to glow.

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