can my stress level affect my sex drive?

Dear Mahogany,

I can’t seem to enjoy sex these days. I’m so stressed and always anxious. With the children around to fill my ears with complaints whenever I get back from work and recent happenings I find it hard getting aroused and focused during sex. My husband has been understanding but I don’t want this to go on forever. Is this happening because I’m stressed?

Tola, 35


Dear Tola,

You are experiencing the symptoms of stress and an anxiety disorder which is already playing out in your sex life.

Sex first begins in the brain, when your mind is stimulated your body will be too. When you are stressed out your body protects you by increasing it’s most important functions for survival like blood flow and increased rate and reduces ”non-essential” functions like sex. Do you get the picture? It’s normal for your body to react negatively to sex because of any form of stress. 

Now when this stress leads to anxiety. It becomes much more difficult for your mind to focus. Just like you said, you wouldn’t focus on the pleasure at hand after listening to complaints from your children or any other thing. But, this does mean it’s the end of the road for your sex life.

I outlined four tips that can help you cope with stress and anxiety better

Communicate with your partner

The first step is communicating with your partner about this. Anyone can experience stress, but to control it you have to be conscious of things that bring you extra stress either psychologically and physically. Keep a stress journal. If you find yourself becoming overly stressed about a certain situation, take note of it and find ways on how to handle it later on. You can do this as a team with your partner, for better results and unity.

Try focus breathing

Mindfulness will always work wonders for your focus. Since you noticed that your mind drifts away often during sex, take short breaks when alone and just breathe. If you find your thoughts drifting, redirect your focus back to your breath. This way during intimate moments you will know how to bring yourself back to the present when your mind travels. 


Invest more in your intimate moments

Just because penetrative sex is off the table doesn’t mean intimacy is off too. Accept that your sex drive will fluctuate sometimes and it’s okay. Rather than sex, spend time being intimate without sex. Cuddle up in bed, give each other massages, toe rubs, play games and find a way to relieve the stress in less sexual ways. Arousal may be not happen immediately but the journey to getting your groove back strengthen your sex drive.

See a therapist

If you feel that anxiety is ruining your life generally. Talk to a therapist about it so the right treatment can be recommended for treatment.

There is no excuse not to be healthy while living your best sex life. 



About Author /

Lara is an erotic writer and modern day sex and relationship educator. Sensual, multifaceted and a reincarnated soul is how she describes herself. When she is not relieving her imaginations or taking vain selfies, she is on Instagram at Larasensations teaching how to own your pleasure.

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