Dear Mahogany, My husband wants to invite someone to watch us have s3x.

Dear Mahogany,

My husband wants to invite someone to watch us have s3x. I love him but I don’t like the idea. I have tried quite a number of things with him like s3x toys, BDSM which I actually enjoy but I don’t think I can pull through with this fantasy of his. I don’t want him to feel I am selfish. How should I handle it?

Hey dear!

First of all, I would like to empathize with you on your current fix, I want you to take it is a phase that would allow you have a better understanding of the dynamics of your relationship with your partner.

This is not the first time I am hearing of this sort of fantasy, in fact there are people who enjoy watching others too, they are called “Voyeurs”. I hope other people who might be in the same or similar situation can also draw knowledge from this article.

What is a Fantasy?

To start with we need to establish what a fantasy is. Fantasy according to Marriam Webster dictionary is something that is produced by the imagination : an idea about doing something that is far removed from normal reality.

Almost every sexually active individual has at one point or the other fantasized about something or someone to get s3xually aroused, so it is absolutely normal even some people who are not sexually active also have fantasies built-up in their imagination.

However, while some people have more common and seemingly “normal” fantasies like Threesomes and the likes some can be quite interesting and uncommon.

Don’t be judgmental

For most people it takes a lot of courage to open up on what you feel will bring you the greatest sexual fulfilment, so judging them or terming them weird might prevent them from opening up yo you again.

Appreciate him for trusting you with his fantasies, then you can ask if there are other things he likes, who knows he might have something you already like in his fantasy archive.

Identify your worries

It is important that you identify what makes this idea most uncomfortable, most times when we say ‘No’ it is not because we disagree totally, it could mean that when few compromises are met here and there, we may reconsider our response.

• Is it just something you cannot put up with?
• Will you consider it if you were in another country?

I asked only these two questions because I have had the opportunity to meet people who would rather do all their “kinky stuff” outside the country and this is because as Nigerians and Africans at large we prefer to keep intimate things private.

So for instance if you would prefer to do it in a foreign place, that is a destination you are most likely to not meet someone you know then you can let your partner know the clause of you both enjoying such a fantasy in real life.

Explore other things

The truth everyone must know about fantasies is that not all fantasies must be acted upon, some fantasies end immediately after sharing it while some linger on your mind.

Even if you decide to go ahead and indulge his fantasies, you will both get bored and start looking for another path to sexual fulfilment, so it is only smart that you explore the things you are both enjoying right now, believe me when I say there are so many ways you can enjoy whatever way you share your intimacy. Our blog is filled with so many ideas that will keep you both busy even if you decide to pick an Idea per day!

Try games, books…

There are hundreds of games, books you can explore to spice things up.

These games will literally multiply the way you can enjoy one thing. We also have a book with a whole 365 days worth of dares, games and ideas.

Don’t restrict yourself from enjoying so many other intimate ideas because you can not practice one… I hope you get the all peace you need in your relationship.

The Love language card game.

The love language card game includes over 150 strategic conversation starters that allows you discuss topics that cuts across sex and intimacy, couple, family, past and future and your separate individualities.

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