How to get your stubborn partner to try out new things in the bedroom

Everyone wants to try out new things in the bedroom. It doesn’t matter if they have experienced pleasure before or you want to, the urge to explore is in each and every one of us. Routines can get boring after a while the things we loved at the beginning of our relationships may no longer excite us as much. While variety may be the spice of every healthy sexual relationship, exploring while you have a sexual relationship may not be as easy as we think.

The term “how to spice your spice up your sex life” is one of the most searched phrases online. (You should google it to see) However, no matter how much information you have, no one tells you how to begin.  This is because spicing up your sex life requires a lot of work, energy and communication. But, the real job is communication. No matter the variety you intend to bring into your sex life, whether toys, BDSM or a new position. It all begins with communication.

So, we came up with some tips to help you navigate the bridge and TALK to even the most stubborn partner with results.

7 tips to try out new things in the bedroom even with a stubborn partner

1. Start with the good stuff

The beginning of the conversation decides how it ends. One way to tell your partner you want to try something new without making them feel you are insulting or downplaying their performance is by praising them on the good stuffs.

If you think your partner’s head game is out of this world, that’s a good way to start. “It’s crazy how you still make my legs shake whenever you give me head. Maintain eye contact and even flirt a little while you say it. You want to get them aroused and make them feel good at how much they please you in bed. I suggest beginning the conversation when you are both relaxed or after another intimate session. Escape to a hotel room or if you are home light a scented candle to help you relax and be in the mood. Remember set the right moos and hype up your partner.

2. Make a request, ditch the complaints

You just complimented your partner, you don’t want to continue with a complaint. Instead of saying “I am getting tired of us trying only the missionary sex position, why don’t we try…” If you use this approach then you must have ruined step one. Your partner may only be fixated on the problem you mentioned and not what you want to try,

Instead ask for what you want and do not bring up what you don’t want. “Baby, I would like us to change our Saturday routine and try this love toy instead to see where it leads”

3. Ease their fears

If for instance you want to try anal sex and your partner seems adamant about it, understand why and address it. Perhaps they are afraid due to the stories they have heard or maybe an experience in the past. Whatever it is, find out their concerns and address it. Make them feel safe enough to even talk about it.

4. Give them time to think it over

Don’t expect them to give you a response immediately. If the topic is too overwhelming let it slide at the moment and reschedule for later. “I know this would take some time for you to digest but we can talk about it over dinner next week” Your partner may try to avoid this topic by next week, that’s why setting an official date is more effective.

5. Show your partner what you want

It is now easier to communicate these days because there are lots of resources to help out online. Watch movies that align with what you are communicating.  If you are interested in BDSM clips on 50 shades of Grey can be a good place to start. Gift your partner books with extensive information on what you intend to explore.

6. Go beyond talking

You just had the conversation which is a good place to start, but step it up with some action as a bit of spice. Surprise your partner with a weekend getaway. Get a couples’ massages, bond over a fancy dinner, go clubbing together or stay cuddled indoors watching classics. In this relaxed state, you can be spontaneous in a romantic way. Although you have to make sure you have their consent.

Or during foreplay with your partner, just show them what you like. If choking interests you, direct your partner’s hand  to your neck and ask them to choke you. This way you must have taken action and gone beyond talking.

7. Be patient

Your partner may be thrown off balance by your request at the moment and that is normal. Give your partner a few days to think things through before you bring it up again. Make sure you revisit the conversation when you said you would. For instance if you told your partner you would revisit the conversation next week Friday after dinner, make sure you do that. Revisit the conversation as many times as possible until you get an answer.