23 Nov 7 TIPS TO HAVING FIRST TIME SEX THAT DOESN’T HURT
Can you remember your first time sex?
The first time I had penetrative sex, I expected it to be extremely painful that I would not be able to walk properly for days. Coupled with fresh excessive bleeding to finally usher me into womanhood. Did it go as I thought? Not entirely. Yes, I bled and experienced pain at the moment of penetration (due to no lubrication)but there was nothing in my walking step that gave me away. And there was no eureka moment to usher me into womanhood. I was quite disappointed because it was nothing like I had imagined sex was.’’ – Zara
Just because Zara’s first time was like this doesn’t mean yours would be. Everyone’s first time is different. While some women say it hurts, some women do not report any pain at all.
The pain associated with women losing their virginity is as a result of the stretching/ tearing of the hymen; a thin ring layer that either partially or fully covers the entrance of the vagina. The more stretchy your hymen is, the less painful first time sex will feel. And for women whose hymen are not as stretchy, they may experience more pain and bleeding during first time sex.
However, not everyone has a hymen and if they do it may not tear during sex. The pain experienced during first time sex comes largely from inadequate lubrication, fear or an anxiety that causes the vaginal muscles to spasm or rushing in forcefully regardless of being ready or not.
So, how do you limit the amount of pain you feel during first time sex and make it pleasurable? I came up with well researched tips that will make losing your virginity less painful.
How to have first time sex without pain
Communicate with your partner
It is okay to feel tensed and have concerns about your first time but those concerns should be expressed with your partner. First time sex is a big deal to you as your partner so it’s important your partner knows about your concerns beforehand. Whatever your fears are, talk about it honestly with your partner. If this is a new partner, telling them about your pleasure points and things that turn you on will help you both focus on pleasure and make room for less pain.
Begin with foreplay
Whether you are having sex for the first time or hundredth time, foreplay is always the option for getting things warmed up. Before any type of penetration, you need to make sure your vagina is well lubricated to increase chances of a good experience. Lots of foreplay will help the mind relax and increase your body awareness. In other words, foreplay is indulging in those things that turn you on sexually.
Foreplay can mean different things to different people. It may be kissing, fingering, making out cuddling, oral sex and so on. Engaging in different foreplay activities can improve lubrication, which reduces the friction during penetrative sex. Fingering for instance can help prepare the vaginal walls to receive the penis during penetration while providing pleasure. Foreplay is necessary for proper lubrication of the vagina. There are lots of foreplay ideas other than kissing you can explore in order to make your first time sex experience less painful.
Use lots of lubes
When in doubt, use lubes. If you are planning on having vaginal intercourse for the first time, lubes can make penetration seamless. While vaginal lubrication is always an option, some women experience vaginal dryness and experience difficulty getting wet even when aroused. And even with vaginal lubrication, lubes can make first time sex 100% better.
Explore different positions
You have to explore with different positions until you find what works best. Certain positions can make the sex painful so you have to keep exploring until you find your lucky charm. Here’s our favorite positions for first time sex
- Classic missionary
- Doggy style
- Use a pillow
Don’t be too focused on the sex position name at the moment. You may decide to be more adventurous with the position as you along but make sure the position isn’t causing you any pain.
Show the clitoris some love
Think of the clit as the powerhouse of pleasure in a woman’s body. It doesn’t matter if your aim is vaginal sex, the clitoris should not be ignored. The clitoris contains 8000 nerve endings, part of which is connected to the g-spot located inside the vagina.
Stimulating the clitoris can relax tense muscles in the body and increase pleasure. By showing your clitoris some attention and more action, your body will experience more pleasure, numbing the idea of pain.
Take it slow
You might feel the need to go super fast and expect everything to happen at once but take it slow. Remember that sex should not come with any expectations and if you have any toss flush it down the drain.
Allow yourself get aroused through foreplay. Use slow and gentle motions and pace it up as you both like. Thrusts should be gentle and slow to give the vaginal muscles time to relax and get accustomed to the feeling of penetration. Plus, you want to enjoy this experience so slowing things down can make that happen.
Choose the right location
The right location is as important as choosing the right position.
“I lost my virginity on the sofa in his father’s apartment. It was uncomfortable and by far the worst way to lose your virginity”- Salma
You need a place where you both feel relaxed and comfortable. Since it’s your first time you would require a lot of space where you can feel free to explore. A bed is the classic go to position. You need a space where you have clean sheets, toiletries and basic amenities.
First time sex pain will not happen every time you have sex after. With time your hymen properly stretches, your body gets accustomed to the feeling and you get to understand what brings you the most pleasure. You can hasten this process through the knowledge of your body by self pleasure either with toys or by your fingers. First time sex is not as painful as most persons think it is, if you know the right way to go about it.