love language

the 5 love languages and it’s role in a healthy relationship

Love languages can greatly improve communication, intimacy and sexual life.

Being in a relationship is like being in a school for life. You never stop learning. It doesn’t matter if you have been together for two months or two years, you have to keep putting in the work. Every healthy relationship requires communication to keep it going. And for communication to be effective with your partner, you should understand how to first speak their language. 

Understanding your partner’s love language—or languages, as the case may be—can greatly improve your communication by up to a 100%.

Why is that so? Let’s illustrate using indigenous languages. Assuming you understood only Yoruba and your partner kept telling you how much they loved you in Igbo language, would that make any sense? Of course not. This is why it’s important to know your partner’s love language- it can save you from pouring thoughts and effort into the other ways that aren’t as impactful.

What are the five love languages? 

Love language is a concept developed by relationship expert Gary Chapman, The book acts as a guide for couples to help them identify, understand and then speak using their partner’s ‘love languages’ – for a happy and healthy partnership.The five language is important to couples as it helps them identify their unique needs and work towards it. The love language can also be applied to sexual relationships and we came up with other ways to express your partner’s love language in and out of the bedroom.

Love language 1- Acts of service 

People with this love language want to feel valued and appreciated through thoughtful actions. They want to feel like you are with them and you are ready to help them along the way. Phrases like, I will help, do you mind if… are action words you should use.

Acts of service can be as simple as helping your partner with the house chores, cooking dinner, running errands, making them breakfast, helping with the children and running them a shower after a stressful day. And in the bedroom, it can be simply prioritizing their pleasure and doing things that make them happy in the bedroom. If your partner enjoys receiving oral sex during sex, prioritizing that during love making is one way to speak with them.

Language 2- Quality time 

Persons with this type of love language value one- on- one time, uninterrupted and focused conversations and trying new experiences together. For people with this love language it’s important that their partner offers them a safe and quality time together, to spend it together. Quality time looks like this: taking walks together, date nights, intimate game nights and weekend gateways. 

Even in the bedroom a partner with this love language will appreciate a partner who is present during lovemaking. So if you find your mind wandering a lot during sex, this is not for your partner. Be present, be attentive and enjoy the moment.

Language 3- Physical touch 

This is one of the most misunderstood love languages. Physical touch is not always sexual because touch itself is a form of communication. It’s important that persons’ with this love language understand their needs and boundaries as regards the definition of touch before communicating it to a partner. 

Physical touch can be warm hugs on a bad day, holding hands, giving each other a kiss, cuddling when together, massages that suggest intimacy. In the bedroom, partners with this language require a lot of foreplay before penetration. So take your time to kiss, caress, stroke and include lots of physical touch.


Language 4- Giving and Receiving Gifts

Gifts are very important and symbolic for persons with this love language. With this love language, it’s the thought that counts. It’s about offering a tangible, physical, and practical expression of love and passion.

So rather than buying the most expensive shoe, getting your partner that sponge cake they mentioned they were craving for some days ago will make their hearts melt. Or maybe you saw a foot wear that would match a new outfit they just got. What counts is the thought and the remembrance.

When it comes to your sex life, surprise your partner with gifts that liven up things in the bedroom. An intimate love toy, sexy underwear, sex props or an erotic novel to spice things up. 

Language 5- Words of Affirmation 

Your partner isn’t making a big deal if they want constant reassurance. If they enjoy being called pet names or needing you to say ”I love you” after a call then this is just their love language. If this is your partner’s love language, encourage, affirm, appreciate, empathize and listen attentively. If your partner craves words of affirmation, try sending lovely texts once or twice a day. Express your desire in your thoughts, It’s the words that matter. 

When it comes to your sex life always try to reassure your partner of what you love about their body and how they turn you on. Pay sincere compliments and hype them up. They would definitely appreciate it.

How do you know your partners love language? 

Most persons seem to be lost when it comes to this. But the easiest way to know your partners love language is by thinking about the way they show their love for you. What we show is often how we want to be reciprocated. Do they buy you random gifts, do the same once in a while. Express your love language too while at it and give them a chance to reciprocate.

So take the time to understand your partner’s love language to keep the intimacy going. 

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